


so impatient when you're not mine

by liamjackson



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:35:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4239168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamjackson/pseuds/liamjackson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's easier to sleep at home anyway, but Nick's home is even more welcoming than his own now.</p>
<p>Or, Nick and Louis spend most of their time apart, but it's mostly worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so impatient when you're not mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goseaward](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goseaward/gifts).



> This is for goseaward who wanted fic about a long distance relationship. This is sort of that. It's also about falling in love.
> 
> This is sap. This is mushy sap. I used to be capable of writing something other than mushy sap. Sorry.
> 
> Thank you to my betas, whose names I will edit later, since this is supposed to be anonymous. Y'all helped me make this better grammatically when I'm sort of terrible. Anything else is my personal mistake.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this! Nick and Louis are my favorites to write.
> 
> Title is from 'Hourglass' by Catfish and the Bottlemen.

It's late. It's late, and everything's kind of crazy and terrible right now, and Louis needs to just shut down.

It's been a couple of days since Zayn had told them he was leaving for good, and Louis feels off kilter. He's tired, but he can't sleep. He'd known Zayn wasn't feeling it, but he'd thought that he was making it better – that the clubs and the drinks and the girls were enough to keep Zayn interested, keep him having a good time on the road with the boys.

And he hadn't even told Louis he wanted out, not really, and that hurts more than anything. Louis feels... 

Louis isn't sure how he feels.

He wants to talk to Nick, but he also doesn't, and Nick must know because he hasn't called. Louis keeps staring at his phone willing a call or a text to come through – the problem is that he's trained Nick not to ask how things are going, especially when things are bad.

He knows Nick won't ask but he doesn't exactly want to bring it up.

To be honest, he's not really sure what time it even is at home. He ends up putting his phone on do not disturb and dropping it on the bed beside him. He knows he won't sleep, but he also won't call Nick, so there's really no point in thinking about it anymore tonight. 

*

Louis gets home on Wednesday morning while Nick is on the radio. He goes home first, because he's always afraid of how it's going to look if he goes straight to Nick's. They haven't talked about going public. Louis hasn't even really thought about it because he has to think about coming out, and that's a completely different thing all together.

So he goes home first and drops his things, picking up new things and throwing them into a bag before he hops in his own car and drives to Nick's.

He's had a key since just before they left for the Australian leg of the tour. When he gets there Nick still isn't home even though the show is long over, but Pig jumps at him excitedly and Louis pleases her by scooping her up and carrying her into the bedroom. 

Nick always pretends to be angry when Pig sleeps in the bed, but Louis knows he secretly loves it. Louis falls asleep soon after, patting Pig's belly and pressing his face into Nick's pillow. It's easier to sleep at home anyway, but Nick's home is even more welcoming than his own now.

He's awakened by the smell of tea and the feeling of someone's hand in his hair. When he wakes up Nick is there, long fingers tangled in the ends of Louis' hair and soft smile on his face. Pig is gone, but that's not surprising.

“Long flight?” Nick asks softly, tugging at the ends of his hair.

Louis shifts so that he can rest against Nick and hum. “Longest. Long tour.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not particularly.” Louis ignores the way Nick's face falls when he answers, but Nick knows him and should be used to Louis keeping so much of himself tucked away by now, so Louis doesn't feel that bad.

He settles. Having Nick to come home to is nice. It's nice, and Louis wouldn't change it for anything.

*

Louis hates leaving.

He loves being on tour, loves his job and making music. 

He hates leaving. 

He's spent nearly every night of this break in Nick's bed, which is new for them. It's making it harder for Louis to crawl out of it too. Nick has a day off even though it's Friday. Louis had begged him to take it, even though his flight was early in the morning.

Louis doesn't often beg, but this time he didn't want to leave without saying goodbye in person.

“Don't go,” Nick wraps his arms around Louis, pulling him closer. He presses his face into Louis' neck and kisses the dip there. “Don't go. Pig's gonna miss you too much.”

“Ohhh. Well, if Pig is going to miss me.”

“Mhm. Just Pig. Certainly not me.”

“Of course not.” Louis smiles a little and kisses whatever part of Nick he can reach. “It's only Europe, you know. I'll be back and forth a lot.”

“You'd better be back and forth.” He hums. “Maybe I can come to one of the weekend shows or something. You know, if it works out, or whatever. Or just come and wait naked for you in your hotel room while you think about that on stage.”

Louis groans. “You're an awful awful man. I don't have time for a quickie, Nicholas.”

“You sure?” He squeezes Louis' hip. Just then Louis' alarm goes off – the final one – the if-you-don't-get-out-of-bed-and-throw-on-something-semi-presentable-right-this-second-you're-going-to-miss-your-flight-and-disappoint-thousands-of-fans-and-your-bandmates alarm. Nick sighs. “You're sure?”

“I'm sure.” He pulls away and pauses. “Hey.” He leans in and kisses Nick. It's hard to believe they're here now when the beginning had been so rocky. “I have to go.”

“I know.” Nick tugs his hair. “Come home soon.”

“Soon, yeah.” Louis forces himself to roll out of bed and slips into a pair of joggers before tugging on one of Nick's jumpers. It's red and worn and much too big for Louis. He loves it. He stops to scratch behind Pig's ear on his way out. “Take good care of Nick for me, yeah?” She makes a little noise of what Louis pretends is agreement. “Yeah yeah, you always do.” He puts his hand on the door and stops short of opening. “Nick?” There's something he wants to say that's lingering on the tip of his tongue, but he can't quite get it out. It's not that he doesn't want to – it's more that he's not sure _Nick_ would respond well.

Louis has never been the one to hide his feelings. He loves relationships. When he was with Eleanor he was happy to tell her that he loved her after a handful of months, but Nick is different somehow. His life is different now. They've been together since just before Christmas, and it's June now, but they haven't actually spent a huge amount of time together.

Louis is always leaving.

He was always leaving El, too, and some time last year that started being a problem. He wants to tell Nick that he loves him, but he also doesn't want to make it worse on either of them when he has to leave.

“I'll see you when I get back, yeah?”

“Yeah. When you get back.”

Louis nods and leaves without saying anything else. 

*

He sees Nick a couple of times between the European dates, and he thinks maybe Glastonbury will be a good time, but Nick's with his crew, and even they don't know about Louis. So, Louis spends the whole trip with Niall, pretending that he's not keeping his eyes open for Nick. He spots him a couple of times, but he doesn't even get close enough to smile in his direction without being noticed.

He settles for a few texts before they go back home. He's got to fly out again in the morning, and Nick is at Glastonbury all weekend. It kind of irritates Louis to be in the same place at the same time without at least talking but he tries to play it down and pretend that he isn't annoyed at himself or at Nick or at the situation.

He's not really sure which part annoys him the most.

*

He gets a week at home. Well, he spends ninety percent of it at Nick's place, dodging out the back and avoiding paps when he wants to go out and meet friends. It's actually really good until he has to go back to LA. Nick doesn't give in this time – he's working when Louis has to duck out.

He gets to LA on Monday, and they rehearse a little and hang out drinking beer a lot. Harry has friends here that he wants to see, and the rest of them can all find things to do. Louis spends some time writing with Liam.

“So how are things with Nick?” Liam asks. There are papers sprawled around them on the table in Harry's dining room. 

“What?” Louis pretends to be writing a very serious lyric. “Fine. You know, we're just having fun and that. Nothing serious.”

“Are we still saying that? Is that what we're saying?” Liam grins slightly. “Okay, I'll let you say that. We'll go with that.”

“Shut up, Payno.” Louis reaches out to twist his nipple. “I'm not going to push, you know? We have fun. I like him, but it's not like - “ Louis can _feel_ Liam's amusement. He groans. “Spare me the 'I know you too well for this' speech, okay? Yes, yes, I _care_. I don't know if he does, though. I mean, not like I do. So it's not a thing. It isn't a thing, okay?”

“Do you think maybe talking to him wouldn't be the worst idea?”

“Shut up. No one asked you.”

“Uh huh.” 

Louis tweaks his nipple again and definitely doesn't think about Liam's suggestion.

*

It's a month into the North American tour and Nick and Louis haven't talked much. Some texting here and there and a few quick phone calls, but Louis is busy with tour and promo and working on the album and the time difference leaves them a very small window. After shows Nick is always sleeping and then at work.

Louis does try to listen to the show every day, but he never makes it quite through to the end. It gets even harder when Nick starts working on _The X Factor_.

Louis tries to call on a Tuesday when he has a day off with nothing to do – no recording, no promo, no anything, but Nick doesn't answer. Louis sighs and drops his phone on the table. Maybe he could just sleep the entire day away. It's been a while.

*

Nick calls Louis three times while he's asleep and texts him once.

_going to sleep. Sorry I missed you. Xx_

And then another text with various emojis attached. Louis sighs deeply and doesn't reply. 

He goes back to sleep instead.

*

Louis finally gets to really talk to Nick on Nick's birthday. He really shouldn't be awake, but it's been too long since they've had a good conversation, more than just texts and emojis, and Louis misses him. He misses _home_. 

He loves touring, but he's ready for it to end.

Nick sounds bright and happy and awake. “Hiya!” Louis can hear the grin in his voice. It makes him miss home even more. “Wasn't expecting to hear from you until later.”

“Wanted to wish you happy birthday.” Louis yawns. “Sorry.”

“You should be asleep, love.” Louis wishes he could see Nick's face. “Do you?” Nick grins. Louis hadn't even realized he was speaking out loud.

“Yeah, I do.” There's no point in lying, now. “I'm sorry. I'm a big sap. I miss you.”

“Hey, I miss you too.” Nick's voice is soft and honest, and Louis sort of wants to wrap himself up in it like a blanket. 

“You're not gonna make fun of me?” 

“Do you _want_ me to make fun of you?” 

“No. Don't be ridiculous, Nicholas.” Louis huffs. “I wear my heart on my sleeve, asshole.”

Nick laughs on the other end of the line and then goes quiet. “Hey, so since it'll probably be another two weeks before we talk, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Ask me.”

“Don't go home, okay?” Nick goes quiet. “I mean, come home, but like. Home here. Home to me.” 

“I always go home to you.”

“Not what I mean. You should just – be home.” Louis knows what Nick means, but that doesn't stop him from pushing. It's what he does.

“If you want me to live with you, you're going to have to ask me properly.”

“You're literally the worst, Tomlinson.” He pauses. “You know what I'm asking. Come live with me.”

“My flat is bigger.”

“You never spend more than a night in your flat. Come on. We can find a place together once you're back, yeah? We should.”

There are a list of reasons why Louis thinks this is a bad idea, but he doesn't really care about any of them. He doesn't want to say no.

“Yeah, I want – Yeah, I'll come home.” He lets out a breath. “But this means that Pig is mine now, you know.”

“Pig has always been yours. She likes you more than me. She's a traitor.”

“She's a lovely child, and I won't hear a word against her from her loving father.”

“Shut up, idiot.” Nick laughs, and Louis wants to be _home_ more than ever. 

“I love you,” Louis says. It slips out. He's tired and homesick, and it slips out. He can't take it back once it's there though, and really he's not sure that he wants to. It's been boiling and building inside him for months now, and it feels wrong to hide it anyway. It's always felt wrong to hide it.

“Oh.” Nick's silence fills the room awkwardly. Louis tries not to think of what his face must look like, thousands of miles away. “Me too. I, um. I love you too.” 

“Oh. Good. That's really really good.”

“Did you think I would – what did you think I would do?” He laughs, and Louis' gut tells him to be defensive.

“Stop laughing at me.”

“Hey, I'm not. I'm not. It's just cute and all. You being nervous.”

“It's not cute. I'm not cute. Nothing about me is cute.” Louis is trying not to pout because that's probably something else Nick would find cute.

“Whatever you say.” He laughs. “Remember that I just asked you to live with me, love.”

“How could I forget.” He's quiet. “Happy birthday.” He yawns again.

“You should get a couple of hours of sleep, love. Don't wait three weeks to call me, okay? Don't be an idiot.”

“You know the phone works both ways, right?” 

“You're a busy popstar. I figure you have less downtime than me.”

“I don't have any downtime. Still. You should call me. I'll try and answer.”

“Yeah yeah. We'll both do better, right?” 

“Bye, Nick.” 

“Love you, Tomlinson. Go to sleep.”

“Mhm. Sleep.” He hangs up the phone and drops it down on the pillow next to him. He's not really counting the hours before he's home, except for how he kind of is.

*

Louis doesn't mean to do it. They're doing an interview in Chicago, just a short radio thing, and it sort of slips out.

“Actually, I'm not currently single. Got a proper boyfriend now,” and it's out before he can even really _think_ about what he's saying. It honestly wouldn't even register, other than the fact that Liam's eyes go comically wide and Niall is whooping next to him. Harry clears his throat and looks away, and Louis will hurt him for that later because he knows what's going to happen.

“This is quite the scoop!” The reporter, Lea? Lisa? Louis doesn't remember, says. “Are you saying that you're _gay_?”

“No, I'm not. There's more than just straight and gay, love.” He grins. He's sort of worried the guys are going to kill him, and he's kind of worried about Nick, too. This is kind of a huge relationship thing, and he just kind of ...said it.

The interview ends, mostly because their people are giving the sign to wrap it up. The ride back to the venue is quiet and awkward and Louis keeps checking his phone in case Nick has heard. It's hit the internet already. He knows that much.

He's actually getting frustrated that Nick hasn't called until he realizes that it's actually past Nick's bedtime for a weeknight, and he probably won't hear until morning. Louis sucks in a deep breath and sends a text for him to wake up to.

_Sorry. Call me._

Finally, Liam talks. “If you wanted to – I mean you could have told us. We would never stop you from doing that.”

“I didn't plan it,” he mumbles. “It just kind of. Slipped out.”

“Oh. Do you regret it?”

“No? No, I don't think so. I mean we talked about moving in together? So maybe this is okay. It'll make that whole thing easier.”

“Big step.” Liam smiles. “Biiiig step.”

“If he doesn't get cross at me for this.”

“No, I doubt that. Anyway, you coming out was never going to be his say anyway.”

“Maybe.” He looks at his phone again, just in case. Nothing. Nick's probably sound asleep by now. He's never wanted to talk to Nick _more_.

*

He stays up after the show to listen to Nick. When he shows up to the end of Adele's show, Nick doesn't sound strange at all. He sounds fine. 

But they mention Louis on the news – because apparently Louis having a boyfriend is _news_. Not that Louis even considered that this wouldn't be a thing. 

If Nick is surprised he covers it well, and he still doesn't text Louis. Louis looks at his phone. Nick saw his text. He read it, and he didn't reply, and Louis feels sick. He types in a text.

_I'm awake, in case you're wondering._

The second Nick fades into a song, Louis' phone pings with a text message.

_so that's what you were sorry about? Xx_

_yeah, are you upset?_ Louis hovers over send. He doesn't want to know if Nick is angry. He wishes he could look at Nick's face.

His phone rings and Nick's face pops up on the screen. He answers right away.

“Why would I be angry, idiot?” Nick's voice is soft. “It's your decision.”

“It affects both of us, though. You know?”

“Well, sure, but, I don't care about that. Either way you're coming home to me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah I am.” He smiles. “You've got a show, babe. Go do it.”

“Call me for real when you wake up, okay?” Nick pauses. “You sound tired. Get some sleep.”

“I'll try.”

“And do me a favor? Delete twitter from your phone. I know you're reading it. I know you're going to start fights. Don't. People are assholes. Don't pay attention to them.”

“You're not supposed to know me that well.”

“Yeah, well. Soz.” Nick pauses. “Get some sleep, love. Call me when you wake up. No plans today.” There's a quick pauses. “I have to go. Fiona's making the face. Bye. Love you!” The line goes dead and Louis is left feeling both happy and sad at the same time. 

He turns Nick's show down but leaves it on and snuggles into the pillow. He falls asleep with Nick's voice in his ear.

*

Louis gets home and goes straight to Nick's. 

Nick and Pig are waiting for him when he gets there and Louis spends the whole day lying in bed with them, watching bad television and telling them stories about tour.

He's never felt more at home.

*

“You're coming to the show tonight, right?” Louis lays over him, pressing soft kisses to Nick's chest. “I'm sure everyone would just think you were there for your best friend, Harry.” He grins and bites Nick's collar bone.

“What if they knew that I was there for you?” Nick curls his fingers around Louis'.

“What? You mean tell them about us? Tell everyone about us? Doesn't that, like - “

“What? Make it real? Isn't it already real? We live together, love. Could it really be more real than this?”

“No, no, I guess not.” He pauses. “Yeah, you should come with me. We'll both go out the front door and everything.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Louis turns his head up and kisses him. He still has a few minutes before he has to get ready.

*

Louis and Nick are public for around six months before Louis has to go back on tour for the fifth album. 

They've already announced the plans for a break after this tour ends, but they're giving it their all. They haven't even discussed a time frame yet, and Louis is so ready to be _home_ for a while. He has definite plans for spending weeks, or months, or something in bed with Nick. 

Or, in bed while Nick works. Same thing.

It's different now that everyone _knows_ about them, but it's been really great. They've gone to events together and walked red carpets. 

The best part is that when Louis is in Australia for two weeks in May, Nick takes a holiday and comes too. Having Nick out on tour – that's the best perk of being out. This is the first time that Nick has actually been on the road with him.

Nick leaves in about an hour, headed back to London on a late night flight. He's wrapped up in the sheets on Louis' bed while Louis does a phoner with an Australian radio station. Louis idly strokes at Nick's thigh while he talks. 

This will never get old. 

Louis misses the question all together, too busy staring at Nick to listen, but he recovers quickly – laughs and pretends that he didn't miss it. The reporter seems satisfied enough with that response. He talks to her for long enough that Nick starts getting dressed. Louis pouts as he says his goodbye to the reporter.

“Don't goooo.” Louis pouts and gets up on his knees, walking to the edge of the bed. “You should stay. Who needs work. I'm a millionaire. I'll provide everything you need.”

“Oh, you.” Nick walks over and smiles, sliding his arms around Louis' middle. “I'll call you when my flight gets in. We can facetime. You can say hi to Pig.”

“I miss my child. My lovely girl.” Louis sighs heavily. “You'd better not be lying. I need that facetime.”

“You'll get your facetime.”

The phone to the room rings and Louis sighs. “That'll be your car.”

“That'll be my car.” Nick kisses him, slower than he should, holds him tighter than he should. “Love you, idiot.”

“Don't call me idiot.” He smiles a little and kisses him quickly. “Don't miss your flight on my account. Or do, if you want.”

Nick smiles and kisses his jaw and then leaves the room.

Louis hates this part. The goodbye part. He reminds himself it's almost over, at least for a while. He just needs to get through this tour.

*

Louis gets home for good, no tours or work planned for the foreseeable future, on a Monday. 

He hadn't actually told Nick though. Nick thinks he gets home next week because Louis is actually a genius and the best boyfriend ever.

He crawls right into bed with Pig and almost falls asleep without missing a beat. Jet lag always gets him, and it's even easier for him to pass out in the bed he shares with Nick.

They moved into the house just before Christmas of last year. It's bigger than they could ever need, but Louis loves it. It's a good place to settle down, maybe think about a family some day.

Not that he and Nick have talked about that, even a little. He knows that Nick loves kids but he doesn't really know if Nick wants his _own_. Louis does, but he's afraid to mention it too soon; they've only been together around a year and a half.

It's probably too soon.

He wakes up to Nick pressed along his back, arms around him. He smiles and settles back into Nick's warmth. 

“You're home,” Nick says. “Thought you weren't back for another week.”

“I lied.” He grins softly and turns in Nick's arms. “Hi.”

“I had this whole plan to sweep you off your feet the second you walked through the door. I bought you a homecoming present.”

“I'm home now.” Louis grins. “And I love presents.”

Nick hums. “I suppose.” He reaches past Louis and into the bedside drawer, pulling out a small black velvet box.

“What are you - “

Nick grins and sits it on his chest. “Open it.”

Louis opens it. Inside there's a small ring, just a thin platinum band. “Nick.” 

Nick taps his finger on Louis' hip. “That would be my name, yes.” He smiles. “Soooo.”

“So?” Louis hums. “Is this some kind of conditional gift? Do you have something to ask me, Nicholas?”

“Come on, don't make me do this.”

“If you can't say it, I don't think you should _do_ it.” He smirks, slipping the ring on his finger. “It looks nice on. If only I had a - “

“Oh for God's sake, Louis. Will you marry me?”

“Wow, you are so romantic. I can't believe how rom-” Nick cuts him off with a kiss and slides his fingers in between Louis'. Louis pulls back and grins. “romantic you are.” He kisses him again. “Of course the answer is yes. Don't be an idiot.”

“Good.” Nick grins. “This means you can never leave the country again. That's a new rule I made up. No more long distance for us.”

“I don't think that's your call, love. But there's definitely time to talk about that later. Got at least a year to get your fill before you're begging me to go back on tour.”

“Nah.” Nick smiles. “Don't think that's going to happen.”

Louis hums and kisses him. He can only hope that that's true. They've never spent this long on the same continent before.

Somehow he thinks they'll be okay.


End file.
